Please don't go

I'm never safe, Not even in my own skin

Oh god, I'm finally here to blog. My blog views has been dying down like crazy hasn't it? Awh, Haha. And, I didn't forget those sweeties that came to tag to give me their undying support for my battle with depression. It GMH, xx

As usual, Days has been hectic- No, This past few weeks has been crazy. I mean literally, Walking on the streets crying my eyes balls out, Drinking under the void decks and walking aimlessly around like some dead zombie, Being a smoke machine, Popping 6 sleeping pills to sleep through days, Oh god. You don't wanna hear wtf happened. *Thank god*, I have Bella, Ilina, EeHwee, Delia, Chai, Felyn, Kaylah, Fabian, HuiYing, Xantha and Krichelle with me. Each and every single one of them give me hope :')

Haven't done a proper update in like *forever* haven't I? Haha, Alright. Here goes. Today, Went to CGC for my appointment with my psychologist. Same old thing, Same old sting. No need for any elaboration huh? It's all been said before.

Ran out of sleeping pills way earlier than they were supposed to. Tomorrow have to head down to CGC again to meet my psychiatrist, Like *oh god* KILL ME. I'm so tired of all this shit. Gotta get dr ong to get me higher dosages of sleeping pills or more of them. Lack of sleep is killing me, It's becoming a vicious cycle of night become day, Day become night. Mm, Pretty literally.

I'm hearing things more and more often, Especially when I'm crying or hurting myself. I hear this constant laughter, Not any normal laughter. It's as if the person is mocking me. I don't know why, It just always happens. And.. Seeing things that aren't there. Oh god.. I swear this is killing me. If it doesn't, I will.

So many people are looking at me to be strong and fight, But I'm just barely surviving. I'm so tired of having to fight every frickin' wave of emotion that comes and crash on me, I feel like I'm only living on for the people that love me. Is that good or bad? I get very terrified thinking about who or what I am going to lose next..

Alright, I'm gna end off here. On the phone with lee now. Bye all, Never forget to hope for the hopeless. I love you guys. Never forgetting my sisters, They're the reason I've gotten this far. Erjie, Sanjie, Meimei loves you.. :') Gn9 brokenhearts, Ending with all my love.

Emotional torment doesn't leave scars, So I made some