There are no unwounded soldiers

I'm forever on the verge of tears

Don't know why I'm here, Staring at this page when I should be sleeping. Took my pills and they only lasted me 2 hours b4 I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep again. I feel like such an insomniac. Sigh. I'm tired. It's days like this that makes me feel like giving it all up..

Should I quit school? Daddy and Mummy are fine with it, They say. I need the time at home to recover and heal. But I'm so scared. I always complain about school but thinking about leaving school scares me.. It makes me feel even more worthless, useless and weak.

They said, I could quit for a year or two, And then return back to school. If I need a change, Then a different school. Then maybe Ilina and I could be together in a different school or sth. It's strange. Why do I feel so scared?

I'm tired of crying. Tired of fighting. Tired of living. Tired of bleeding. Tired of the pain. Tired of hoping things will get better. Tired of waking up. Tired of feeling. Tired of feeling so tired. Tired of trying. Tired of finding a reason to live on. I'm tired of everything.

Do you ever stay awake, Because you're too tired to sleep? Do you make yourself cry, Because you hurt too much you can't? Do you want to die so much that you don't even try? I'm a little crazy I guess. But I do.

I wish I was blind so I wouldn't have to see how far I have to go..

Pain is sometimes the only cure